When it comes to casual college relationships, “catching feelings” is the cardinal sin. If you’ve ever experienced a no-strings-attached type of deal, then you know that the person who develops feelings first loses. So during brunch and over Starbucks, we strategize the best way to avoid accidentally liking someone, or the best way to hide it if we do.

But even with a strict I-won’t-text-first policy, is it even scientifically possible to keep from developing feelings for someone you’re physically, and sometimes emotionally, involved with? I decided to do research to find out. Judging from what I found, it seems we’re all biologically doomed to a life of feelings. And it’s sort of backwards that we try and fight the literal chemicals in our brain that cause us to crave someone.

When it comes to catching feelings, a hookup buddy is the less-evil twin of friends-with-benefits. There are no Chipotle dates or deep conversations about your childhood that you might have with a friend. There are late-night texts, suggestive Snapchats and averted gazes when you pass by each other in real life. Surely you can’t develop any attachment to such a charmless non-relationship, you think. Au contraire, says Satan. In this case, Satan is actually a neurotransmitter called dopamine.

Dopamine is a chemical that helps control the brain’s pleasure center, but it doesn’t just relate to sex. The chemical is released and rewards certain behaviors, which can lead to us repeating those behaviors. According to DrugAbuse.gov, the chemical is why drug addiction can happen so easily. Drugs like cocaine and heroin increase the amount of dopamine released, leading to a spike in pleasure that reinforces the habit.

On a less extreme level, if you have awesome sex with someone, the dopamine released from that experience will make you want to reach that high again. So even if it’s just fueled by a chemical in your brain, there’s a reason your night fling with the hot guy from your math class is starting to feel like an intense addiction. And it makes sense that if your dopamine trigger decides not to text back, you don’t feel too good about it.

If dopamine is the brain chemical of hookup buddies, oxytocin is the chemical of friends-with-benefits. Often called the “cuddle hormone,” the release of oxytocin can trigger trust, relaxation and psychological stability, according to Medical News Today. Oxytocin is released during sex, but it’s also released by physical contact such as cuddling, kissing or hugging.

When those feelings of calmness and overall happiness become associated with a certain person, it can be hard not to feel attachment to the cause of that association. But that’s just the physical part of friends-with-benefits.

Pair that with the fact that a friend-with-benefits is someone you have regular conversation and non-sexual hangouts with, and it’s no wonder those relationships often end up in disaster. If friendship and sex aren’t enough to make you accidentally like someone, life-ruining hormones are.

It seems almost impossible to try and fight the chemicals in our brain. If it’s a natural reaction to feel attached to someone we’re physically involved with, why do we fight it so much? And why do people act so surprised when they end up liking the person they’ve been sleeping with for two months?

It just seems like a lot of us spend our time figuring out ways to make ourselves seem less attainable and less interested than the other person is, instead of just accepting the fact that neurotransmitters have us feeling some type of way.

But as long as there is relationship-less sex, there will be gray areas when it comes to feelings. The next time you feel clingy for double texting someone though, you can blame biology.
Kate Beckman is a sophomore magazine journalism major. Her column appears every week in Pulp. You can reach her at kebeckma@syr.edu or follow her on Twitter at @Kate_Beckman.

Published on March 31, 2015 at 9:18 pm