Springtime in Paris, summer in Mykonos, winter in Syracuse. One of these is most certainly not like the others. With a long, restful and mostly boring winter break at a close, students returning to start the “spring” semester (a misnomer as far as I’m concerned) again face the harsh reality of single-digit temperatures and snow-packed sidewalks. As students unpack their goose down underwear and arsenal of weather appropriate accessories, they can’t help but latch on to the shiny, glistening, pineapple-scented beacon of hope in the distance that is Spring Break.

Two-parts gym motivation and one-part light at the end of the tunnel for those with Vitamin D deficiency-induced seasonal depression, Spring Break has long been an opportunity for students to let loose and enjoy a well-deserved getaway with friends in one of the two or three Spanish speaking countries that have developed an infrastructure based around funneling tequila down the throats of college-aged Americans.

However, for the penny-pinching crowd that can’t afford fancy vacations, most of their textbooks, or Chipotle guacamole, a successful Spring Break necessitates an open mind and a little extra resourcefulness. So, both because some of the best deals come to those who book their trips early and because some of these options would require God-like debate skills to actually convince anyone to do with you, I’ve compiled a list of viable Spring Break alternatives in mid-January. Start pumping iron now; Spring Break is only 55 days away.

Roswell, New Mexico

Ever gaze up into the night sky and feel like someone or something is looking right back down at you? Me neither. But if it spares me the cost of a week in a resort town in Mexico, I’ll pay lip service to the existence of extraterrestrials eight days a week, baby. Roswell has long been an international curiosity and the tinfoil hat-wearer’s Mecca ever since a mysterious object crashed at a ranch in 1947 and the government went out of its way to keep it hushed up. Home of the International UFO Museum & Research Center and host of the annual Roswell UFO Festival, there’s no shortage of places in Roswell to roll your eyes and scoff under your breath. Say what you will about the beach and fruity rum drinks, for me, there’s no better relaxation than a good scoff. Plane tickets are actually pretty expensive at around $350 round trip, so you’re better off turning it into a road trip. If you pack your own trail mix, sleep in a tent under alien-infested skies, use an existing Netflix account to binge The X-Files and haul it down there in a Prius, Roswell Spring Break 2016 should cost a pittance in comparison to other vacation options. Would it be in any way fun? “The truth is out there.”

Syracuse, New York

Why travel all the way across the world for a beach when the beautiful Green Lakes State Park is in your own backyard? “Staycations” are all the rage and actively selecting to stay in Syracuse over Spring Break would undoubtedly establish you as a trendsetter. What better opportunity to delve into the nooks and crannies of Syracuse you wouldn’t otherwise get the opportunity to experience? DJ’s On the Boulevard instead of On The Hill, that Chipotle on Eerie Boulevard instead of the one on Marshall Street, Barnes and Noble, there’s probably a bowling alley somewhere … the list goes on and on. If you’re really, really, really looking to save some cash and want to tell a funny Spring Break horror story sometime, Syracuse Spring Break 2016 could be your best bet.

Cawker City, Kansas

Home of “The World’s Largest Ball of Twine” and probably not much else. Frankly it’s a no-brainer for anyone who’s in the market for a new profile picture.

Lancaster, Pennsylvania

My somewhat-beloved hometown and where I’ll be over Spring Break. In addition to having a large Amish population, there’s also a lively downtown life that I won’t talk up very much for fear of lying or sounding like I’m being defensive. I can set up a cot in my room and every now and then, my dad makes a nice breakfast on Saturdays. Come one, come all.

 

Clearly the list of Spring Break alternatives is too great to list everything, but it’s quite clear that anyone unsure of splurging on a fancy Spring Break vacation should keep their options open. But if you do decide to go through with it, just know that I won’t be liking any of your Instagrams. And I’m serious, the cot is actually pretty comfortable.

Published on January 20, 2016 at 9:52 pm