What appeared to be a practical joke at first has proven us all the fool and has made its way to the White House. Donald Trump has officially won the election to be president of the United States. As I type those words, it feels a bit wrong to me — like our country, which was created over hundreds of years ago to escape persecution has become a reality show, “Wheel of Freedom.” I guess I want to say congratulations to every guy I’ve ever met named Chad and to anyone who values emails over people’s lives.

 

To all women, blacks, Latinos, Muslims, immigrants, people of the LGBTQ community, I apologize. Let us enjoy our last few months with a president who sees us as human beings. It was nice for the eight years it lasted. I knew we were getting greedy. We were hogging all of the basic human decency and by hogging, I mean expecting an ounce.

 

Speaking of ounces, be sure to procure at least 100 ounces of canned goods for your bunker.

 

If you are looking for a friend for your bunker, I’m sure support groups will form in the next few weeks before Inauguration Day. I myself will be finishing my degree through online courses. I really hope 21st century bunkers have Wi-Fi, but if they don’t, at least they have my human rights.

 

I really don’t know what happens here. I’m sure comedians like myself will really enjoy the last few months until Earth, or at least this country, perishes, as it is likely to be morbidly hilarious.

 

For those of you who think I’m being dramatic, I would like to remind you that I’m a millennial and as such usually think I’m invincible. I also have little to no life experience. That being said, my mother, who presumably has more experience than I do, has also assured me that Earth will perish. And you have no reason to know that she is even more dramatic than I am, except about Trump.

 

World powers we are couple-quarreling with are hopping up and down and giggling like schoolchildren and the cool, hip world powers that we should be trying to impress literally just scoffed and rolled their eyes at us. This is just not how we gain social status in the world, America. Xenophobia, racism, sexism and every other bad-ism are so last millennium. Respecting people and their rights is in right now. All the cool kids are doing it — and even if they aren’t — are you freaking kidding me?

 

Regardless, I don’t think it is bad advice to spend every day until Inauguration Day telling those you love that you love them and cherishing everyday like it is special. Because we now realize how special every day with Barack Obama truly is. I myself am likely to be found curled up with a picture of Obama and Joe Biden softly smiling while rocking back and forth and delicately sobbing to “In the Arms of An Angel.”

 

The only thing I am looking forward to is that hopefully in the second season of his presidency, Melania wakes up from her trance, Ivanka throws a drink in his face and asks Ronnie to beat him up and the Senate collectively rises up to say, “You’re Fired.”

 

Patty Terhune is a senior policy studies and television, radio and film dual major. She is crossing every limb she has that in light of a Trump win, this is not the version of the article that runs. If it is, she has probably already packed a bag. Follow the next phase of her life on Twitter @pattyterhune or reach her at paterhun@syr.edu. 

Published on November 9, 2016 at 3:02 am