Dear Danny (age 18),

Hey, what’s up, hello! You won’t get that reference until three years from now, since this is senior year Danny talking to you, from the future! Yes that’s right the future, where we have phones as big as our heads and even more Marvel movies.

I’m writing this letter to give you the heads up I wasn’t able to give back then. My sincerest apologies, I was just so pent up with anxiety about school and figuring out how to talk to women, I wasn’t able to warn you about what lies ahead. But now that I have that opportunity, let me be the Doc Brown to your Marty McFly, except without the crappy DeLorean.

My first piece of advice is to buy season tickets to basketball, but not football. I know, I know, you’ve been a football fan your entire life, and that deal online looks like a steal. But just like dad-bods and Tamagotchi, Syracuse football is a fad that dies quickly, especially among freshman. Unless you really want to be on ESPN, then show up super early and make the screen grab your mom sends you after the game your cover photo on Facebook for a few weeks; if you are so inclined.

Second, there are dining halls located at every freshman dorm. You will be eating there for a large part of your freshman and sophomore year, but as a freshman it is essentially the only source of sustenance. You will live in BBB, where the food is actually not bad. But never forget to complain about the food to other freshman in conversation. It is an easy jumping off point, where you can then get into where you are from and how the breakfast pizza “just isn’t mom’s cooking.”

Third, finding parties is hard freshman year. Imagine applying to college all over again, except each school won’t let you in unless you promise to bring five girls and give up $20 immediately upon entry. If you’re going to a party, try to round up as many girls as possible in order to maximize your chance of getting into the party and probably never talking to those girls again. You want your ratio to be the opposite of the Avengers. It’s like that old saying I just made up: don’t go out with more than five guys, or else you’ll be stuck eating burgers and fries.

Now, there will be a bar at Syracuse that most of the freshmen will flock to. It is called DJ’s on the Hill, and you will probably be there more times that you would like to admit. It is a great way to meet other freshmen, since the bar is almost exclusively such people. You just have to get over the fact that your shirt will be sweatier when you leave than when you came in. Try to have a good time, and don’t stare too long at the floor, because after a while, it begins to resemble a sewer.

My last bit of advice would be to be open to any new experience that exists. Well, not every experience, some you will be able to use your better judgment to decide what to do (unless you’re drunk, then Godspeed). Try everything, get to know as many people as you can and remember to enjoy the ride. You are going to spend a lot of time panicking about things that won’t be so scary after all. Just remember that it’s all going to work out, and that this senior Danny has more regrets than he would care to admit because he let fear get in the way. Ask that girl out that you keep noticing in your psychology class, play an extra game of FIFA even if it’s 3:30 in the morning; it’s your time to enjoy yourself a little. Make a few mistakes, learn from them, and for the love of God don’t talk about how you used to wear jerseys every day for five years.

Best of luck, and remember that you live in an open triple; so masturbating is going to be super hard for you. Cheers!

Love,

Danny (Age 21)

Danny Cuneo is a senior television radio and film major. He used to be a freshman once before declaring for the NBA draft. He can be reached at dacuneo@syr.edu

Published on August 26, 2015 at 12:01 am