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Election Humor

What the next presidency looks like from each side of the aisle

The following two anonymous letters sent to The Daily Orange are fears and claims made by voters as to what they believe will happen under the presidency of the candidate they are against.

Dear Daily Orange,

I am a mother of 15 children, all age 15, and I’m voting for Hillary. Why? I love Hillary Clinton. Who cares if she can’t use her email? Neither can I, in all honesty.

I hate Donald Trump. Why? Because I’m scared. I’ll be honest, I pretend to understand most of the issues on a complex level, and I know Donald Trump does the same. If he was elected president, I’m sure nuclear war would break out within weeks. He’d probably nuke Germany or something. Don’t we like Germany now?

Also, I hear that if he was elected president, we can pretty much kiss Florida goodbye because global warming would take it out. Floridians, you need to vote to make sure your state doesn’t sink.



As for his policies on immigration, I understand he wants to build a wall to keep illegal immigrants out, but I’m from the northeast so I have no reason to support this because it doesn’t affect me whatsoever. But, who knows where he’ll stop building the walls? He’ll probably build a wall to stop Americans from fleeing to Canada.

Also, the fact that he doesn’t pay taxes annoys me. If he doesn’t pay taxes, would he just pat everyone on the back who evaded taxes? It sure seems like it.

My biggest concern is that he’s disrespectful towards human beings. He’s said that if he killed a man on Fifth Avenue his supporters would still stay behind him. Was he telling us something? Has he killed someone and was just trying to test the waters with reactions and backlash? It’s something someone should look into.

Sincerely,

A Mother Who Wakes Up Her Children From Screaming at the Debates

 

To Those Who Will Listen,

It’s all a conspiracy. If Hillary Clinton wins, it’s been rigged. If Donald Trump wins, it’s completely legitimate. It’s like that time when Donald Trump was in WWE and he got knocked out by Stone Cold Steve Austin. That part was rigged and fake. But when he hit Vince McMahon, that was totally real.

I also don’t believe the rich should pay taxes. I pay taxes now, but I know I’m going to be rich some day so I don’t want to pay the government whatsoever. Hillary will probably try and take taxpayer money to give to other countries. Why would she do that? Our taxpayer money should go to Americans.

As for guns, Hillary will take them away. Increased background checks make it harder for me to get my gun and I need it without delay — for safety. I know somebody is going to break into my house one day and I can’t wait to shoot them to protect myself. Hillary Clinton would make me buy an alarm system. Do we want that type of president?

If Hillary is elected president, Planned Parenthood will replace maternity wards. That’s a fact. Babies could be terminated before, during, or after pregnancy. Why is Hillary so against children that she’s trying to kill them all? Does she not want new babies to be born? What if those babies found the cure to cancer? We don’t know what those babies could do.

I am supporting Trump because I hate life and don’t think it’s my fault. People are stealing my jobs. Because I deserve all the jobs and I’m not getting them because other people are taking them.

On immigration, the border wall sounds like a good idea because we don’t need more immigrants coming here. She’ll just let them through. Clinton would probably make laws to kick white people out of certain jobs just for the sake of diversity and give them to all the illegals that she’ll let in.

Part of the reason I hate Hillary is because she’s a woman. She doesn’t have the balls to send my son to war. She’ll try to peacefully negotiate it, like she did in Iran.

Hillary should be in jail. Her emails have been reviewed by the FBI and come back negative of any legal wrongdoing, so she should be put in jail. But they said she was careless with them, and that means it was illegal and she put our national security in danger.

She also did Benghazi. If jail isn’t the place for Hillary Clinton, I don’t know what is. If she was elected president, we’d be stuck with Tim Kaine because her imprisonment is imminent, and if nobody else is willing to see it, I’ll have to take matters into my own hands.

Those are my fears, and do not try to reason with me.

Sincerely,

A Voter in My Own World Who Thinks His Vote Has a Lot More Weight Than Any of the Other 300 Million Plus Americans

Josh Feinblatt is a sophomore television, radio and film major. He’s not sure why The Daily Orange got two disgruntled letters but he published them anyway. You can follow him on Twitter @josh_is_fein or reach him at jfeinbla@syr.edu





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