Walking to the cafe where I wrote this column, I choked on the passing cloud of cigarette smoke — as if I’ve never drunkenly taken a drag of a friend’s before. It was a gentle reminder that there are worse things to need than people’s attention. For that, I’m thankful — although that’s not the answer I’ll give my parents when they visit this week for Thanksgiving. Instead I’ll be thanking them for coming to see me in Los Angeles. If they hadn’t, my turkey day feast would have been delivered to me by a begrudged Domino’s employee who’s anything but thankful for my existence. Instead, I’ll share a nice dinner in Malibu.

My mom will say she’s thankful her nannying job worked out, because “her boys aren’t nearly so cute anymore.” My brother and I will be thankful we don’t know if she’s kidding or not, and I’ll sneak to the bathroom to try to get some validation from Tinder. I won’t.

My dad will say he’s thankful the Cubs won, which doesn’t really make sense since we’re Red Sox fans. He’ll get misty-eyed and say it’s nice to see that long-overdue victories can happen for people, and I’ll shift uncomfortably and leave to check Tinder again. My brother will not be thankful for my absence. He’ll instead express his gratitude for his HBO GO subscription. When I return from the bathroom approximately 16 minutes later, I’ll say the same. “Westworld” is awesome.

My uncle will be thankful Trump won and I’ll be thankful my comedy career will begin during his presidency. We’ll all be thankful that’s this is the only time politics are mentioned.

When the meal is over and I’ve finished my slice of cake, our waitress will thank us for coming and my dad will tip her appropriately. She’ll look at me funny when she sees my number on the check. I’ll be thankful we’re leaving.

I’ll drive home and thank my parents for buying my gas. It’s up to $3.50 a gallon now. I’ll long for an electric car and be thankful that Elon Musk has such a strong work ethic. I’ll also be thankful my name isn’t “Elon Musk.” Kind of sounds like a cologne.

I’m thankful you read this and that I get to make all this stuff up. I’d be more thankful if on Facebook you gave it a thumbs up. I know things might be scary and the future seems uncertain. I know we’re all divided and people are hurting. But there’s a shirt on your back and people who love you. Nothing’s ever been easy, that I can assure you. So be glad you live here and that you have a voice. There are some people who don’t even get the choice. So go make a difference, and be glad you can. Some people have to deliver pizza from a van. Yes, I purposely rhymed all of that and yes, it sounds awesome.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Ian McCourt is a senior television, radio and film major. You can follow him on twitter @OrderInMcCourt, or reach him at iwmccour@syr.edu.

Published on November 21, 2016 at 10:15 pm